Sixty-three Years

Ken and I were both at the church on time May 28, 1955.  I was “cool, calm and collected.”  The minister asked us to join right hands.  I thought I had touched a block of ice.  This unnerved me.  I wasn’t sure Ken wouldn’t freeze and fall over.  A good friend and neighbor to my family waited with him before the ceremony.  She said, “I have never seen a more nervous groom.”  He began to relax during the reception.

People have asked us the secret to staying together for 63 years.  There is no magic formula.  What works for one couple may not work for another.  Love is what needs to be foremost for all couples. As responsibilities increase, it is necessary to make time for each other.  Work schedules, children’s activities, and other obligations make it necessary to reset priorities to focus on the relationship.

Communication has always been important to us.  I had little experience in resolving conflict.  My siblings were teenagers when I was born.  I basically grew up as an only child.  Ken had five siblings.  He was experienced in squabbling.  We established a pattern of listening to each other’s thoughts on a subject.  We listened carefully knowing that we would have our turn.  We preferred the word discussions rather than arguments.  Some of our “discussions” went on for days, but never in anger. We learned to respect the other’s opinions.

This is still our pattern, although we know each other so well we can almost anticipate what the other is thinking.

Relationships go through stages and change with time.  Cooperation is necessary in each stage.  It is especially important when raising children.  When the children leave home, priorities again change.  Different decisions are made when retirement comes.  Another set of decisions have to be made with aging and failing health.  Commitment is a necessity as couples enter and pass through each stage.

A sense of humor and laughter are important.  My advice is love, laugh, and enjoy each other.